Trials and Tribulations of the Juice Cleanse: Part 1

The Before (and The Past Experience)

This morning I woke up and realized that I feel disgusting. Not that I feel disgusted in myself as a human (though probably that too), but that my addiction to junk food and snacking has left my digestive system hating me. I've been dealing with tension headaches, migraines and stomach aches for the past month, and I'm kinda sick of it.

I got on Gilt City (like Groupon, but more chic--check it out!) and found a reasonably priced massage to deal with my tension headaches (one massage every 6-8 months takes care of my tension headaches--I carry all of my stress in my shoulders and neck, apparently) and tried cleaning up my eating to help with my stomach aches and bloating. Spoiler alert: suddenly cleaning up your act doesn't really instantly clean up the past several months worth of Big Macs, pizza and copious amounts of beer and gatorade. Being the impatient brat that I am, I've decided to take a crash course to reset my stomach: the ever-dreaded juice cleanse.

This is not my first forray into the trendy (and pricey) world of juice cleanses. About a year ago, I purchased the Suja Juices 1-Day Restart from Target (literally every Target pretty much sells them now). The first chunk of juices were fine, and there are 6, so you don't feel super hungry. When I got to the 5pm juice, the "dinner" juice, however, I threw in the towel.

It tasted like the smell of my dad mowing the lawn on the day after a fairly substantial rain. It was awful. I actually gagged on it--I've never genuinely gagged on a food in my adult life. It was hideous. I will never trust someone who says "I love Green Juice!" ever again. Ever. They have to be an evil plant person or something--like from that episode of Goosebumps where the dad makes an evil plant clone of himself and eats chlorophyll. It's that vile. That said...I did feel better after doing the cleanse, even if I only made it 3/4 of the way through. And that's why I've decided to do it again. 

This time, I'm picking my own juices, thanks to that being an option offered in-store by Real Good Juice, here in Chicago. Their store is located five blocks from my apartment and is dog friendly (so I can take Ollie), so I pretty much have to go get them. Additionally, their juices are made in that little shop five blocks from me (not somewhere in California then shipped hundreds of miles to the nearest Target to me) and actually all taste pretty good (still don't like the green ones though). 

So this is where this part of the series begins. I'm doing a 1-Day juice cleanse through Real Good Juice and I'm going to document all of it for the enjoyment of my readers. This is part one of likely a few. My next post will chronicle the juices I chose and will include more details. 

If you're the religious type, say a little prayer for me.

Follow along on snapchat: @BTempp (also my Instagram handle!)